Sunday, May 10, 2009

The child within

Remember the five year old that once was?

The one with the lopsided pigtails and the big curious eyes? The eyes that grew bigger and rounder as she stared into the fish tank ogling at the colorful fish that swam inside. Her face brightening up into a big, dimpled smile as she called out gleefully to everyone to come see the "fishies" inside. The trip to the aquarium. Her first trip to the aquarium. The one that would create the magic of a childhood memory freshly formed lighting up her face for days thereafter as she talked about the visit to her friends, embellishing her stories with exaggerated details over how big the aquarium was and how colorful the fish were.

Remember the five year old who had a simple innocence to her being?

The one with the naivety that only childhood can bring? She frolicked around the neighborhood in her tshirt and boyshorts, scruffy knees speckled with dirt from playing marbles. Chatting up to friends and strangers. She had unquestionable faith in people. An inability to read hidden intentions and the implicit belief that people were inherently good. She trusted openheartedly. Accepting them for who they were. As they were. Without ever trying to change them. Because there was never a need to.

Remember the five year old that believed in happy endings?

The one whose face radiated with endless sunshiney optimism as she listened to stories on her grandpa’s lap? She had absolute belief that things would turn out okay. No matter what. That no matter what else happened to the characters in the story, things would always be okay in the end. The knowledge that stories always had a happy ending. The absolute belief that life would turn out okay.

Remember that fearless five year old?

The curious little girl who let go of her mother’s hand on the busy city streets and found herself lost and all alone? She had no doubt whatsoever that the world was a safe place and that she would be found. She had an unrestrained, uninhibited curiosity over life. Fearless to dream big dreams. And eternal faith to accomplish it all.

Remember the five year old that once was?

Somewhere in life’s complicated maze we’ve lost sight of each other, she and I.

I miss that inner child within.

~vagabond~ © 2009

20 comments:

Winnie the poohi said...

Ah!!! You write so beautifully! That sweet innocent child came in front of my eyes for few minutes as I read this one!

Somehow reminded me of my poem.. pasting it here :-)


Furtively,
I look within
Seeking,
Something elusive
I disengage the knots
slowly with care,
Afraid to break,
This thread of love

Full of feelings,
Effusive,
Effervescent…
Thoughts that,
Ripple through my consciousness

Emotions,
palpable;
Of myriad hues
A complex labyrinth

Delving deep enough,
I find you,
sweet little girl
Like the sun,
Brightening my world

Search me, you say
Mutely I comply,
Through the twisted bends
In an unexplored corner,
I find me

My search ends,
My doubts,
my fears rescind

With a smile,
I engulf you,
As you slowly disappear,
In me.

You,
The best part of me,
You,
My reflection

Just call me 'A' said...

i likeeeee these roundabout way of writing. feels very farmiliar..the style :)

...and i don't remember 5 years old :(

bindu said...

I hope you find that little girl's optimism soon. This is very well written.

Vamsee said...

That was very beautifully written. You are outdoing yourself with every post these days.

Ok...this is it!! You have been posting serious (sometimes sad) stuff for a while now. You have to get out of it. It is spring/summer now...get that optimism back into your life and go have fun and write about it.

Inner Vision said...

You write really very well. Enjoyed reading it. its nice to have you back...

Deepu said...

I happen to be acquinted with a few people who claim to be all grown up and all, but act like 5 year olds to this day. Hope you are not one of them. he he

frissko said...

Very well written. Cynicism is easy to embrace, very difficult to let go. Good luck anyways, and sunshine does shine bright enough once in a while, to give a fortnight's worth of light...

Trisha said...

I remember 5. But I see the five in you on many occasions when I have this irresistible urge to pick you up in my arms and hide you from the cloudy weather. When I see you in my mind wandering about on the deserted early morning beach for a nice picture or taking photos of your dog and writing or thinking or talking about it, or being nice to your blogmates when they are down, I see the cheerful little five trying to make the most of this little life we got to be happy and fly.
Where is Alok gone?

Trisha said...

Please open an acount on Open Salon or WP as well Vee, it is easier getting to you then, I cd comment strght from my blog without hvng to sign in.

Adi said...

NICe Mr. Vagabond! keep it coming!

~vagabond~ said...

@Everyone:

My apologies in taking forever to reply to your comments. Thanks for your lovely messages and for visiting my blog even when I was away. :)

~vagabond~ said...

@Poohi:

I write beautifully?! have you even read your own poem?! It's beautifully written. I really liked it. :)

@A: Nothing? Nothing at all? Do you not remember five years old at all? It was the best age to be. :)

@Bindu: Thanks. :) ...Someday. Someday perhaps I'll rediscover that lost optimism.

~vagabond~ said...

@Vamsee:
LOL. Thanks. I dont mean to sound depressing in every post...it just so happens that I write when I am depressed...when I'm happy, I'm too busy enjoying my happiness to write about it. Thus, the depressing posts. :)

~vagabond~ said...

@Inner Vision:

Thanks for your patience in reading my posts...I'm flattered that you enjoy reading them. :)

@Deepu:
I don't act like I'm five. Quite the contrary.

@Frissko:

Thanks. And yup, giving up on that cynicism might be the hardest thing I've got to do.

~vagabond~ said...

@Trisha:

LOL. Thanks for your lovely comment as always...they always make my day.

Dont know where Alok is. I havent been in blog-land in quite a while. Got lots of catching up to do on everyone's blogs.

Will think about switching over to word press. I hate to shut things down here though. This is the first place I have ever blogged and it feels like my baby.

~vagabond~ said...

@Adi:

MR vagabond?! MR?!!! MR?!!! seriously dude, did you even READ the blog?

I'm a girl. And proudly so.
LOL.
Welcome to my blog. :)

Rahi said...

i still love happy endings...recently saw ek duje ke liye (for the first time) and felt...kash dono mil jatey. so the point here is i still have that 5 year old in me.

Rolling said...

Hi where are you I think am back from death, and wd be writing again. I want you bcak in this space too, things seem not so nice without your presence. and I want your opinion abt my Independence D post.
Happy Independence Day to you, Vee (I still do not what your nme is)

Rolling said...

Hi where are you I think am back from death, and wd be writing again. I want you bcak in this space too, things seem not so nice without your presence. and I want your opinion abt my Independence D post.
Happy Independence Day to you, Vee (I still do not what your nme is)

~vagabond~ said...

@Rahi:

I too love happy endings. I've just become skeptical that they can exist in real life. This post wishes I could get over my skepticism.

@Trisha:
Will visit your blog soon. I've got lots of catching up to do it seems. Am trying to become more regular about visiting my own space. Hopefully the new change in my schedule will make things a little easier.