Pay it forward…the butterfly award

Years ago, I watched this beautiful movie Pay it Forward that inspired me endlessly as I am sure it inspired everyone else who has ever watched it. It’s the kind of movie that makes you want to go out and change the world. Can one good deed change the world? Yes, it can…if you pay the deed forward. The movie revolves around the obligation to pay the world back with three good deeds when you receive the favor of one good deed. Give back to the world three times the goodness that you receive from it. When someone does something nice for you, don’t just pay the person back for their good deed, find three other people out there in the world that need you and pass the good deed forward.

I was reading through the comments on one of my blogs yesterday when I noticed a really nice thing that someone had done for me. Thank you, Alok for giving your butterfly award to my Lens of a vagabond blog. It totally made my day. And while I know the below don’t really need me to brighten up their day, I think they truly deserve the niceness of the award and I’m simply paying it forward:

1. Prashant Bhardwaj (Om):
He is an extremely talented photographer. If you’re ever looking for photos to tug at your heart, check out his blog. I find the photos on his blog extremely inspiring and truly enjoy looking at the unique perspective of the world through his view finder.

2. Alok (Hello World):
Yes. Yes. I know he already got awarded. But since I’m picking blogs I truly enjoy looking at, I’ll be honest and pick this one again anyway. I like how his blog always has variety. No new post is like the one before. Journeys taken, conversations had, photos clicked, movies watched, all are fair game on this blog.

3. Diana (Expressions of Life):
She has such an interesting and unique way of writing. She could be talking about the most mundane, every day event of our lives, but her unique perspective, her different way of looking at the event makes the post so very interesting to read.

4. Cuckoo (Cuckoo’s Cosmos):
She doesn’t just own a blog, she owns an entire universe of blogs. Want a hub of activity? Go over to Cuckoo’s Cosmos. It’s always bustling with people, both new and old, with opinions on everything and anything. With three separate blogs on musings, travel and photography, you wont run out of things to read and ogle over.

5. Dust Unsettled:
When I first started my blogs and thought I was simply talking to myself, the first ever comment on my blogs came from him. Look at the first comment on my first post on Lens of a vagabond and you’ll notice it’s from him. He was always so encouraging. It saddens me to see that he may perhaps have left the blog world entirely, and it’s a pity because he is an amazingly good writer. Some of the best posts I have ever read came from his blog. I hope someday he returns to writing again because he does it really well.

I was asked to pick five people to pass the award to. If I could pick more, I'd have picked every single last one of the blogs on my blog roll. They're all very interesting in their own unique way. I wouldn't have you on my list otherwise now would I?

~vagabond~ © 2008

Wishing and hoping

Have you ever desperately pleaded with life to make things go your way? You begged, bargained and pleaded that things would turn out the way you wanted them to. Wished and hoped. And then one day, boom! suddenly all that you’ve been asking for gets granted. Exactly how you asked for it. Except that now you realize that you just don’t want it anymore and that life was perfect just as things were before.

I guess I just don’t know what to wish for right now.


~vagabond~ © 2008

The Chaos of Life

Do things happen for a reason or are they just random occurences strung out of sequence on the string of life? Does life just happen to us or do we actively choose the circumstances we land ourselves in? Am I just a natural born klutz at walking right into disaster or has disaster been stalking me all along?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life and the series of events that have landed me to where I am right now (in an uncomfortable tight spot) and wondering how I got there in the first place and if I could have avoided these circumstances in any way. And the answer is both yes and no. (Erm. Blame it on the dual Gemini tendencies in me. One twin says yes. And the other then has to step in and say no.)

Yes, I could have made different decisions at different stages of my life. Gone a different direction. Followed a different path. But I wonder if in some parallel universe, I would have still landed up here right in the same spot, regardless of which direction I wandered. Because all those different decisions, all those different actions would still have been guided by the same spirit of who I am deep down inside.

A while back I read a book on Chaos theory and I learnt of the butterfly effect. The butterfly effect refers to the idea that the smallest change in one corner of the world, such as the flapping of a butterfly's wings can lead to the most profound changes in another corner of the world. The notion that if we were to go back in time and change the smallest bit of anything, things just wouldnt be the same anymore. The one small change would escalate into a series of larger changes of much bigger impact and before we know it, life would move along in an entirely different trajectory, and we'd find ourselves at an entirely different end point.

And I think about it and wonder if that's truly how my life operates. Would things really be any different for me right now had I made different decisions, walked alternative paths? In as much as I'd like to believe otherwise, somehow I dont think circumstances would change a whole lot. Because all those different decisions would still have been made by the same soul. A different situation, a different scenario and I'd have still wanted what I want out of life. Perhaps I'd end up making a whole series of different decisions that would lead me inadverently along a path that is just parallel to the one I am on today. And despite walking a parallel path in some parallel world, somehow I believe that the spirit of who I am would have called upon me to still be present under different circumstances at the same junction in life. Perhaps this particular situation, this tight uncomfortable spot that I am in right now wouldnt have been a part of my life, but then there would be other situations just like this one, and somehow despite meandering along a different path, I'd someday still find myself back at the same end point.

Perhaps I just want to believe that I can change the course of my life, and perhaps to a smaller extent I really can. But truth is that even if I had the capacity to make that choice, to delete some events and edit others, the true calling of my soul would still find a way to lead me back where I'm supposed to despite a different trajectory.

~vagabond~ © 2008

Farewell

Dear Nagging thoughts in my head, Silly irrationalities, Anxieties over what-will-be, and all other assortment of bullying thoughts,

Despite the enormous amount of space you occupy in my head, you are a tiny speck in the context of my universe. And while it has been cozy obsessing over you, I simply cannot allow you to ruin my life anymore. So I'm looking you in the eye and asking you to leave.

Goodbye. And goodriddance.

Yours truly,
~vagabond~

PS. I know you'll try to stay in touch, but really, you dont have to.


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~vagabond~ © 2008

Eye to eye

You dwell in the past.
I live in the present.
The past you talk about is irrelevant to me.
This present I live in means nothing to you.
You expect me to go back in time and undo things already done.
I expect you to move forward and accept them as they are right now.
And unless time collides,
we'll just never see eye to eye.


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~vagabond~ © 2008

My happy place

I want to move to New Mexico. Well, actually I'd like to move to Mexico. But since that isnt even a realistic option right now, for now New Mexico will do. Ever since I visited it a year ago, and then again this year, the place keeps calling me back. It's this strong urge to want to live there, this strong feeling of belonging, almost as if "that desire originated in the soul of the universe". You'd have to have read the Alchemist to get that last part (if you havent read this book, forget this blog, rush over to the nearest bookstore right now and start reading it NOW! I am not exaggerating when I say your life will never be the same again).

You know how when things get really, really stressful, your mind takes off and finds comfort in its happy place? Well, my happy place is the memory of this one morning in New Mexico last year when we were driving through the Jemez Mountains - just Joe and I. We had spent the night camping literally in the middle of thick forest because we got lost. We had tried to take a short cut through the mountains and lost the road we were supposed to be on. Sounds a little filmy, doesnt it? But no, there was no dancing around the trees bursting into a Bollywood song. And it really did happen that way. And it was getting dark and if you've ever driven through the Jemez Mountains, you'll know that the smart thing to do is just stop, sleep and wait for the morning to see your way. Because the narrow road winds up and down around the mountain and it's easy to drive off the cliff in the dark. So we camped in the middle of a ponderosa pine forest and waited for morning.

My memory is of that early hour of the morning when we had set off again to drive. After talking to some construction workers we encountered along the way, we realized that the road we were meant to take was under construction and we would have to make do with a dirt road that led out of the mountains. And so there we were, driving through the heart of the mountain, on a bumpy dirt road, building up a dust storm behind us as we drove on. The only car along the road for miles on. Literally in the middle of nowhere. The sun's rays filtering in through the thick canopy, lighting up the path ahead of us. And it was driving along that forgotten dirt road to nowhere, that for the first time in months, I felt unburdened and carefree. The stress of all I had gone through in the past months seemed trivial, and nothing in the universe felt as important as being there, right there in that moment, savoring what life had brought along my way. What lay ahead of me was not important, and what I had been through was temporarily forgotten. I was content with the tranquility of that moment in itself, just simply driving along that endless road, warming up under the early morning sun rays, looking out of the window. Life was simple, right then.

The trees soon cleared up and we got a glimpse of the luscious green valley, dotted occasionally with small spanish style houses or pueblos as they are called, that are the trademark of New Mexico. Clay red houses with little bancos built into them. Hand painted tiles sometimes plastered into the walls. Bright red chile ristras dangling from the roof. A horse or two grazing free in the backyard of the valley.

It was at that moment that my soul decided this is where I belonged. I had found my spirituality. It wasn't buried in some church or temple. It was right here, in this little corner of the world where I felt happiest and lightest at heart.





~vagabond~ © 2008

Coach bags, Manolo Blahnik shoes and New York City

Warning: A large portion of this post is going to be mindless rambling, but I need to vent and I rarely need an audience for that. And if you love Coach bags, or Manolo Blahnik shoes or New York City, and you're still reading this, my apologies.
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Recently I had the misfortune of encountering a relative I simply just dont like. We're as different as chalk and cheese, me and her. The trouble is, while I make my dislike for her obvious and she knows it and the whole world knows it, she insists on playing mind games instead. Pretending we get along. Pretending we're similar after all. To her own convenience. Even though we're not. Not in the slightest bit. Dont you hate it when people do that? Pretend to be diplomatic and polite and hypocritically, sugary sweet when all you want from them is to be real? The only good that comes out of this extremely disastrous relationship is the fact that she makes me appreciate my own life a little more every time I encounter hers. I know, I know, I sound a little bitchy but she does have that effect on me.

So in a sickeningly saccharine display of her fake affections toward me, Ms. Snobby-two-shoes gifted me a sickeningly pink 'Coach' bag. For anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past decade, a 'Coach' bag, right along with Manolo Blahnik shoes, represents the epitome of having made it to Carrie Bradshaw status in Sex and the City. Think snotty looking purses and shoes that cost hundreds of dollars. And she is a Carrie Bradshaw of sorts. Because the concept of success in her head is analogous to how many Coach bags you own, and whether the clothes in your wardrobe are true designer wear, and whether or not you live in New York City, the mecca of all Carrie Bradshaw wanna-bes.

I dont own a Coach bag. I dont care for designer clothes. And I dont want to live in New York City. Mighty unsuccessful, huh? And I'm okay with it.

Because what I do want is a life full of experiences. In the end, stuff is just stuff. It sits in your wardrobe, you staring at it, it staring back at you. And while it tries really hard to dress you and give you an image, in the end it doesnt have any say in who you are. But the experiences you live, those are what truly define you. I want to live my life to the fullest. Travel new places. Experience new experiences. Be enveloped in new cultures. Have no regrets over what I didn't get to do. And when I'm 90, I know I will remember the day I went white water rafting down the Colorado River or went camel riding in the Rajasthan. What I will not remember is the hideous color of the Coach bag I owned in 2008.

PS. Any bets on how long it will take before I sell the Coach bag on ebay?

PSS. I do not hate New York City. I do want to see New York City, but only for its architectural beauty, its cultural diversity. Not for a shopping extravaganza. And not to live in it.