The Chaos of Life

Do things happen for a reason or are they just random occurences strung out of sequence on the string of life? Does life just happen to us or do we actively choose the circumstances we land ourselves in? Am I just a natural born klutz at walking right into disaster or has disaster been stalking me all along?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life and the series of events that have landed me to where I am right now (in an uncomfortable tight spot) and wondering how I got there in the first place and if I could have avoided these circumstances in any way. And the answer is both yes and no. (Erm. Blame it on the dual Gemini tendencies in me. One twin says yes. And the other then has to step in and say no.)

Yes, I could have made different decisions at different stages of my life. Gone a different direction. Followed a different path. But I wonder if in some parallel universe, I would have still landed up here right in the same spot, regardless of which direction I wandered. Because all those different decisions, all those different actions would still have been guided by the same spirit of who I am deep down inside.

A while back I read a book on Chaos theory and I learnt of the butterfly effect. The butterfly effect refers to the idea that the smallest change in one corner of the world, such as the flapping of a butterfly's wings can lead to the most profound changes in another corner of the world. The notion that if we were to go back in time and change the smallest bit of anything, things just wouldnt be the same anymore. The one small change would escalate into a series of larger changes of much bigger impact and before we know it, life would move along in an entirely different trajectory, and we'd find ourselves at an entirely different end point.

And I think about it and wonder if that's truly how my life operates. Would things really be any different for me right now had I made different decisions, walked alternative paths? In as much as I'd like to believe otherwise, somehow I dont think circumstances would change a whole lot. Because all those different decisions would still have been made by the same soul. A different situation, a different scenario and I'd have still wanted what I want out of life. Perhaps I'd end up making a whole series of different decisions that would lead me inadverently along a path that is just parallel to the one I am on today. And despite walking a parallel path in some parallel world, somehow I believe that the spirit of who I am would have called upon me to still be present under different circumstances at the same junction in life. Perhaps this particular situation, this tight uncomfortable spot that I am in right now wouldnt have been a part of my life, but then there would be other situations just like this one, and somehow despite meandering along a different path, I'd someday still find myself back at the same end point.

Perhaps I just want to believe that I can change the course of my life, and perhaps to a smaller extent I really can. But truth is that even if I had the capacity to make that choice, to delete some events and edit others, the true calling of my soul would still find a way to lead me back where I'm supposed to despite a different trajectory.

~vagabond~ © 2008