Friday, September 18, 2009

Mornings in Africa



At first all I see are the eyes. Eyes without bodies. Big green dots lighting up the pitch darkness of the night like fireflies. As my sleepy eyes grow accustomed to the blue black darkness outside of my tent, silhouettes start to come alive.

The jagged edges of umbrella acacias fill up my horizon. A mournful wuuuu huuu huuu breaks through the quietness of the night and I see the curved outline of a bush baby crawling slowly into sight, its big sorrowful green eyes all the while watching me. The heavy built frames of buffaloes dotting the savannah, softly grunting. A flicker of a tail swooshing and somewhere out in the velvety darkness a hyena laughs at his own secret joke before running off. I hear muffled rustling in the tussock grass around the tent and turn my head toward it just in time to see a startled bush duiker dart out of one bush and into another. Up in the trees a twig breaks free, and an accusatory chattering ensues between the black and white colobus monkeys. I hear scampering and swinging in the trees, as Africa awakens out of its slumber.

The weaver birds always awaken first. Noisy and loud, bickering back and forth, chasing each other, flashing streaks of yellow into the blue hours of dawn, dangling from one nest, flying into another. The hadada ibises squawk loudly at them scolding and shaking their heads in disapproval, their loud cries resonating into the early morning. The go away birds pitch in their dissatisfaction at the scene, hopping from one branch to another calling out at everyone to just “goooo goooo awaaaay”. The noisy choir of morning birds in the air grows louder and louder and then all of a sudden there is silence.

There it is – that breathless sunrise. Just as suddenly as the first warm glow rises up from the dark abyss of the horizon, the noise of the world around me hushes into a perfect silence. It’s as if nature and I agree that this is a sacred sight that can only be gazed upon in the midst of absolute serenity. Peace and quiet fill my world for that one moment as the sky fills up with crimson and orange rising higher and higher up into the sky until a perfect fiery ball of red sets the sky aflame. It is only six in the morning but already Africa is on fire.

This isn’t the memory of a single morning, but rather the nostalgia of countless memories of waking up to countless breathless sunrises in my beloved Kenya.

~vagabond~ © 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The waiting

We play a waiting game – life and I. I wait for it to turn into what I expect out of it. And it waits for me to turn into the person it wills for me to be. Some days life wins. Some days I win. And in all the days that lie in between, there’s just the endless waiting.



~vagabond~ © 2009



Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Faces from different places

There he is. The boy who once knew me for the little girl that I was. The one I hung around with over my holidays, playing marbles in the dirt, riding our bikes around the neighborhood. The one who taught me to swim by shoving me into the swimming pool. I thrashed and slapped the water. But today I can swim.

And that’s her. The girl who became my very best friend. The one who befriended the shy seven year old me when I first started school in Kenya. The one who helped me make friends. The one who loved goldilocks and the three bears just as much as I did. And believed me when I said fairies were real even when everyone else didn’t.

That photo right over there? The one taken the third year of high school.
The mary jane shoes. Polished and shiny black with white socks up to the knee. White shirt and a gray skirt with a navy blue blazer thrown on top. Complete with a matching blue tie slung loose around the neck. And we all collectively hated it. A bunch of awkward teenagers, searching for self-identity.

And that’s her. The one I keep telling you about. My teacher from high school. Who always dressed funny. The one with the big glasses, who once apologized to the trashcan. And yet the one who believed in my ability to achieve more than I dreamed for myself.

Him. Him. And her. My college buddies. The people I travelled around Kenya with. The ones I get together with even now, laughing uproariously into the wee hours of the night, remembering shared memories of camping adventures gone bad.

Faces collected in different places over time, brought together in one tight space. The collage that makes me me.

I just joined Facebook.


~vagabond~ © 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Incoherence

A congested mess. Words stuck together. Like an icky gooey mess. The blink-blink of the cursor, waiting and waiting for that single elusive word. A single lost muse. A single slippery thought to color its blank white pages with the splitch splotch of black ink that spits out onto paper when a hundred untouched feelings, a hundred unspoken words come undone. A dotted collage of black against white. An elaborate sketch of intricate feelings. Parts of a painting still incomplete. A single elusive word is all it takes. And then they spill out faster. Words chasing one another, tumbling after one another, bumping and colliding to fill the empty spaces between the lines. Words evocative and provocative. Vivid and descriptive. Begging to be used. Bringing to life a writer’s foggy dream. Spilling out the secret hidden thoughts buried within the innermost depths of the writer’s soul as a tight knot comes undone.

~vagabond~ © 2009

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Whispered prayers

I light a candle and whisper a prayer.

In the quiet depths of my heart, I recognize your sadness, your unbearable suffocation. My heart breaks for you, setting loose a thousand emotions. And I watch as the countless feelings contained within my whispered words float on a prayer, and are carried gently by the thin threads of the blue gray smoke of the candle wafting its way toward you. They glide gently in the air, crossing the distance between us, reaching you when I cannot.

In the empty loneliness you feel they find you. They uncoil and unravel around you. Whispered words of a whispered prayer, they comfort you. My love wraps itself around you. They promise to protect you.

I light a candle and whisper a prayer, knowing deep within my heart that even despite the large distance between us, when my prayer finally reaches you, you will be okay.

~vagabond~ © 2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The child within

Remember the five year old that once was?

The one with the lopsided pigtails and the big curious eyes? The eyes that grew bigger and rounder as she stared into the fish tank ogling at the colorful fish that swam inside. Her face brightening up into a big, dimpled smile as she called out gleefully to everyone to come see the "fishies" inside. The trip to the aquarium. Her first trip to the aquarium. The one that would create the magic of a childhood memory freshly formed lighting up her face for days thereafter as she talked about the visit to her friends, embellishing her stories with exaggerated details over how big the aquarium was and how colorful the fish were.

Remember the five year old who had a simple innocence to her being?

The one with the naivety that only childhood can bring? She frolicked around the neighborhood in her tshirt and boyshorts, scruffy knees speckled with dirt from playing marbles. Chatting up to friends and strangers. She had unquestionable faith in people. An inability to read hidden intentions and the implicit belief that people were inherently good. She trusted openheartedly. Accepting them for who they were. As they were. Without ever trying to change them. Because there was never a need to.

Remember the five year old that believed in happy endings?

The one whose face radiated with endless sunshiney optimism as she listened to stories on her grandpa’s lap? She had absolute belief that things would turn out okay. No matter what. That no matter what else happened to the characters in the story, things would always be okay in the end. The knowledge that stories always had a happy ending. The absolute belief that life would turn out okay.

Remember that fearless five year old?

The curious little girl who let go of her mother’s hand on the busy city streets and found herself lost and all alone? She had no doubt whatsoever that the world was a safe place and that she would be found. She had an unrestrained, uninhibited curiosity over life. Fearless to dream big dreams. And eternal faith to accomplish it all.

Remember the five year old that once was?

Somewhere in life’s complicated maze we’ve lost sight of each other, she and I.

I miss that inner child within.

~vagabond~ © 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Longing

It tugs. It pulls. It frustrates. It yearns. It mourns. It weeps. It lashes out in anger. At the world. At me. It hopes. It dreams. It hurts. It bruises. It yells and screams.

The longing of a caged heart just to fly free.


~vagabond~ © 2009